im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize