weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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