i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Someone signed my nipple.
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