is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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