I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
