I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
