ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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