Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
