I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
