Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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