totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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