Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
