i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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