I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
