Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
