Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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