Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
