what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize