Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So much Jack, so little girl.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
