ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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