I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
