I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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