I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
