ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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