We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
