A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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