is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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