This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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