Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
whose parrot is this?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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