Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
