I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
