Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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