my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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