dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
