What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
