This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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