from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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