I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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