Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
