walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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