K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
