Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
