Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
