Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize