i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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