so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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