How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
