I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
