So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
