Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
