We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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