NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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