I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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