Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
