Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
