woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
