Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
