My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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