I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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