so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
