I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
