yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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