went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
