I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
