when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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