Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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