I want to stick my p in your. b.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You ruined the universe
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
