Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
