i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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