so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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