if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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