i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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