I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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