I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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