I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
