I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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