"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
