Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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