I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
